Constant Reminders

There is always something that reminds you of something that is important that other people may not think twice about. It could be anything. For some people, there are things that remind them of something sad that most people will never be able to understand and probably don't want to.
Since my obcession with trying to find Carrie began nearly four years ago, there have been several things that always remind me of the obvious and the desperate need to find her. While these things may seem to small and unimportant, they mean so much to me and my family and I think it's worth sharing them with those dedicated readers of this blog so that maybe they care understand just how personal this search has become for us.

Just today I was in a store picking up a few odds and ends for a baby shower I'm having tomorrow for a friend of mine. As I walked by the gift bags, I looked down and saw a bag that had daisy flowers all over the bag. My mind went straight to Carrie. Every time I see a daisy flower, I think of Carrie. The daisy was Carrie's favorite flower. In fact, every time I'm driving down the road when it's Springtime, and I see the daisies growing in the median, I think of Carrie. In the beautiful sight of the flowers, then comes the flood of ugly dark thoughts of could Carrie's remains be dumped alongside one of those roadways I'm passing.
I can be visiting mom and flipping the home shopping network channel while gem week is on advertising a choice of three birth stone rings, and mom and I will always say, "the Garnet", because that is that beautiful deep red stone that just happens to be Carrie's birthstone.

On a clear starry night, dad will tell me if you try really hard, you can see Carrie's star tonight. There is always one more thing that makes us remember Carrie, especially as we come up 10 years with her still being missing. I know that when these pleasant thoughts enter my mind, that I should not allow bad things to come in and overshadow them, but sometimes it is hard not to think the bad things. I have to tell myself that this is how Carrie would probably want us to remember her in happy ways and to not the bad things that happened. I have to tell myself each time I see a daisy flower, a garnet, or the beautiful sun, that this is a little sign that says "hey don't forget about me". I won't ever forget and I know that when God will reveal Carrie's location so we all can have peace when he is ready. I was thinking of Carrie today as all other days, but more so than others.
I'm still looking for her.