When Patience Begins to Wear Thin

We are taught that God has patience and understanding. We are told that we should do the same. If there is one thing that I need improvement on, it's having patience and understanding about some things.
Every single day I wake up and wonder will this be the day that the one piece of information to bring Carrie home will happen. Usually somewhere in between my commute to work or coming home, I think of what it must be like to have a child missing and not know where where they are, or to know they are dead, but cannot bring them home to be buried. Why should I be concerned, because Carrie and the others are not related to me, and technically none of my business. I guess it was meant for me to carry this personal burden because many times I've decided that I am taking a break or maybe this will never be solved and I should just forget about it.

Usually about two hours into putting it all behind me, I end up thinking of the situation more and thinking that it would be betraying Carrie and those who are unable to speak right now, if I turned away. I've had friends ask me what will I do with myself when Carrie is found. I answer them by saying, it's not what I will do, but what will her family do when they are finally able to begin to heal in some fashion. Why did Carrie Culberson become the one person who changed me from who I was to who I am now? Lots of people have speculated about this, but Carrie never knew me and I never knew her, but from only what I've been told by her mother, past friends, and oodles of news articles and court documents. What would she think of me being obcessed trying to find her? Would she think my whole family is nuts because we've traveled allover the United States, telling her story?

As many of you know, our age is just a few months apart. When I was 21 years old (a little behind Carrie) in 1996, I too had met a guy who I felt sorry for and began dating him. The relationship spiraled out of control into violence on several occasions. I was young and I did not really take the situation serious as I should have. Now that I'm 31 years old, I can honestly say that I got away from this guy because the violence had boiled over the night before my favorite holiday (Halloween) and I was hit in the side of my head where I'd end up losing hearing in my right ear to some extent. That's something I've never fully recovered from but I am alive. The point where I learned danger was around me was when I went to the hospital that night with the bloody ear and horrible headahe. This was the last time for me, but not for many other young women. I could've been just like them.
When I read about Carrie's story, I felt a lot of myself and my own personal battles in her story. I seen that my own life could have ended under those same circumstances and it became my mission to do whatever I could to help her.
My mom and I have gone everywhere we can, we've trained ourselves to react to emergencies, help others who are just witnessing their loved one being missing, and most of all, I've learned the personal hell each family has to endure. I am running out of buttons, ribbons, bumber stickers, and other things to make to occupy my idle mind until that call comes in that she's been found.

I'm physically tired of all this. I don't want anything for myself, except maybe a nice vacation alone by the ocean to relax, but with that vacation, I'd like to know that Carrie was finally home, and her mom and sister could sleep tonight without wondering where she is. Carrie would want those of us who geninuely care about her (and I know she knows my intentions from above - somehow) to do all they can to bring her home and not give up. I just wish there was a way to not be sad about the unknown future ahead.

Nobody knows what it's like to wait and wait and wait. Nobody knows what it's like to wonder which day could the right day. The days that pass with nothing are the ones that make it even more difficult to smile and be positive. I'm ready for Carrie to be found. I know that my patience boiling over is no better than those who took her away if I let it get there. I just wish it were easier. I'm gonna say a small prayer here on this blog. There really isnt any difference in my thinking silently then posting it here. Maybe if some others see it and pray along, maybe he will see fit to reveal all of this and some hearts can be a little lighter? It's worth a shot.

Dear Heavenly Father, I know you have a lot of people coming to you asking for important things. If you could see fit somehow, please help us find Carrie. I know that if you do not reveal it to us, we may never find out where she is. You told us to wait for your timing and I'm trying so very hard. It is so hard contining to wait with no answers no location. I have put my full trust in you and know you can help us. Please help me or her family find her. If it's not to be soon, then please give me strength and understanding until it can be revealed. Today has just been a heavy day and I cannot leave this task behind. I will continue to trust in you always - Amen

For all of you who have been following Carrie's case, please remember her and the fact that she'll be missing for 10 long years. We simply cannot give up on this until she's found.