FindCarrie - AGH - Missing & Murdered Person Blog

Information on missing and murdered people and the issues surrounding their cases. ***No material on this site is to be redistributed or rewritten - Copyright Find Carrie Culberson***

Thursday, August 17, 2006

What It's Really Like To Have Someone You Love Turn Up Missing Pt II

Today is part two of taking a look at what it's like to have someone you love disappear without a trace. I decided that I wanted to have a few relatives tell our viewers what it's like to live a day in their life. Today's story comes from Karren Kraemer, a lady I met through Patti and Ed Bishop this past July at the Midwestern Coalition for the Missing. Karren and I bonded immediately because she's just a nice lady. She tells me that Debbie and I have given her inspiration and strength. She's given us so many wonderful things as well. I'd like for you all to please read her words about her missing daughter. Once you complete it, please visit Becky's website. We need to find Becky and bring her home. Karren, thank-you for sharing this with us. We will find Becky!

Help Find Becky Marzo

Words by Karren
Today, I took a minute to think about how my life has changed. Some people never ask themselves this question but today I felt it was important that I share this thought with the people I care most about. I am the mother of as missing person. You know I never in my life thought I would lose a child, someone that I gave birth to, someone that I loved. A daughter that any parent would be proud to have.
When my mother died I thought that I had felt the worst pain of all. I never thought I would or could feel such an overwhelming pain and loss, one that hurt so deep. I remember back to that evening when I walked into the emergency room so unprepared for my mother’s death. I looked at my mother and thought oh God please let her life with you be better then the life she had on earth. I prayed that God took all her pain away and let her walk through the gates of heaven pain free and happy. Something she wasn’t able to feel for so many years. I had to believe that God was that powerful, to help her escape the painful life she had and that he somehow knew that, that night was the night to bring her home. You know I felt guilt and pain when she died. Did I do everything I could to help her? Why did I ignore the truth for all those years? It took me a long time to overcome that pain and loss, I still struggle to force myself to go to the cemetery to visit her grave. I go there and even though it’s been so long ago I am reminded of her sad painful life. It still causes the pain to return, the sadness, the sorrow for her life of pain in the end.
I did everything I could to protect my children from the pain I saw in my family. Yet, it wasn’t enough! I thought if I raised the kids in a better neighborhood with great schools and was always there for them, they would never have to endure what their parents endured. They had a great father who showed his love to them everyday. My husband cared about their happiness, he would give his life for each and everyone of them. He showed such pride in each and every one of their accomplishments. I never knew what that felt like as a child. I as a child never experienced that type of love and compassion. I thought I could stop the cycle.
Then it happened!!!
I saw my daughter Becky going down a road that I knew could eventually kill her if she didn’t get out. I kept begging her to leave her boyfriend. I couldn’t understand the pain she let him inflict on her. She was so smart and beautiful. She could have had anyone she wanted. Why did she stay with him? Why didn’t she listen to us? Why did she distance herself from the people who really loved her?
Becky went missing!!!
Then I lost Becky. My Becky, God I loved her so much. I will never be able to tell you guys how much I miss her . I hope none of you will ever have to walk in my footprints. For those of you, my Sisters and brothers in search, you understand so well my pain. We share it and understand each other like no one else could ever understand us. When we have our breakdowns and periods of crying you understand, and wait for the moment to pass. I have had my share of sad days and nights. You know when you get up in the morning and you see something that reminds you of that very special person that you’ve lost. It could be a commercial, a picture, or a song. Reminders are there all the time. Sometimes they are more prevalent than other times. I think to myself, how will Life ever be normal again? Then, I realize this is my life, changed forever. .
I have spent two and a half years in pain and helplessness because of my loss. I have been forced to ask myself questions like. Where is my daughter? Is she dead or alive? If she is indeed dead, why was she murdered? What gave him the right to take her life? These are the moments of wonderment I now have. How could this happen to my Becky? How could the police treat this as just another ordinary crime? How I can I overcome this with some dignity intact? What can I do to make a difference?
Then today as I cleaned the house I took the time to think, “ Multitasking” That I’m good at, I thought you know maybe everything does happen for a reason, maybe God’s plan is greater then mine. I don’t know, but I do know that I can’t let Becky’s life be for not. It is up to me as her mother to make the difference, and find her. I have to get the strength and courage to go full circle with this. My goal is to make people hear my story, and the stories of all the women and men who have gone missing. This is a very hard road to cross, as most government officials don’t want to get involved. Most politicians want pretty topics during election year. Domestic Violence, Murder, and our missing children, seem to be way to messy for them. I can tell you all that I am going to stay committed to getting this Coalition going and it needs to be done with urgency. Everyday another woman is battered by her spouse or boyfriend. If she’s lucky she will get away, if not she will end up like our daughter’s murdered and dumped somewhere. These beautiful souls lost forever. It is up to us the parents, the brothers and sisters and the public to help put an end to this type of violence. I have to fight this battle because I need and deserve closure.
My life has changed, I know that there has to be something I can do to make a difference. I need to have a mission to help bring justice to all the families that have suffered through the same pain that I have. . I look at all my Sister’s in Search and I think there are no boundaries here. This is not a crime for a special group of people. This is a crime that crosses every boundary line race, religion, and economic class. I need to find the people who will listen and I need to make them hear our lost one’s voices. I need to find the answers and start educating our children, daughters and sons our legal system, and the police. I need to stay focused on what my objectives are. It is to put an end to the loss that will most certainly affect another innocent family today, tomorrow and in the furture.
As a parent I feel so much pain on a daily basis. I’ve had cops say, ”You need to talk to someone”, I’ve had cops say, ”Don’t talk to anyone you might foil the case”. As a parent what do I do? Do I call the Crisis Intervention at the DA’s office and talk about my pain? Will he use my pain to work against me later on? Do I seek help out of the control of the DA and Police? Will that help? Do I find a support group where I can talk openly and honestly? Who can I trust? Is it wrong to want to blame the cops for my fear of screwing up the case so I go no where with my pain except the occasional frustrated call to the cop in charge of Becky’s case. She must think I’m a total emotional wreck. Then I remember I am the victim, or Am I? Do I feel like I’m a victim but really I’m not? Who is the victim? Is Becky the victim? Does her pain and death institute the type of justice I’m seeking? Do I as a parent of an adult victim have any real rights? What is the answer? Do any of us really know? I ask these questions daily of myself? I’m only one person, yet I feel that I must do something. I need to make a difference for Becky and all our missing children.…..
I need to make things right. I need to make all the men that have hurt our daughter’s, mother’s and sisters think twice before they do it again. I need every voice possible to help me make this happen. It is only a question? Is it the right question? I don’t know any more. All I know is that my Becky is gone! Deb Culberson’s daughter Carrie is gone, Patti and Ed Bishop’s daughter Karen Jo is gone, Margie Mortior’s, son Amos is missing, Dawn and Tom Vowell’s mother Sandra Kay Travis is missing, Darlene Pitts sister Kathy Fry is gone. This is such a small list and yet it grows daily. These are the families that need to know the truth, these are the people who wake up every day thinking,”How has their lives changed?”
Our lives will never be the same. The pain will never go away.
Today, my life has a mission. Three years ago I had a good nights sleep. Three years ago I had a great job, three years ago I was planning for an Alaskan cruise. Three years ago life was normal. Today I look at every ditch and railroad track as a possible place to hide my daughters remains. Today when I hear a news story about an unidentified female body discovered somewhere I call the local Medical Examiner to see if they know who it is and should I send Becky’s DNA or Dental Records. Today I drive into the darkest streets in Milwaukee to hang Posters on telephone poles. I knock on doors and ask strangers if they knew my daughter. Today I go to my computer and start the search all over. Is he on a different website or does he have a new e-mail address. Today I cry. Yes my life has changed forever as I have to continue to search for my daughter. I need answers to my questions. I need to know what happened to her. I need to know that the person responsible for her disappearance and murder is held accountable. I need to have a good nights sleep. I need your prayers. I need support. Yes my life has changed forever!


Post a Comment

<< Home

Site Meter